Sunday, April 29, 2012

Things A Dog Must Remember

  1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
  2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
  3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa, or under the bed.
  4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
  5. I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.
  6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
  7. I will not throw up in the car.
  8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.
  9. "Kitty box crunchies," although they are tasty, are not food.
  10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the back yard after processing.
  11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
  12. I will not chew my humans' toothbrushes and not tell them.
  13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
  14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
  15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
  16. I will not steal Mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
  17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom's & Dad's laps.
  18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
  19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
  20. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
  21. I will not eat mint-flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage, to avoid having a string hanging out of my butt.
  22. I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an option just after getting a bath.
  23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.
  24. I will not hump on any person's leg just because I think it is the right thing to do.
  25. I will not fart in my owners' faces while sleeping on the pillow next to their heads.
  26. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
  27. The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply, and just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.
  28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is here.
  29. Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room.
  30. The cat is not a squeaky toy, so when I play with him and when he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Come, Sit, Stay ... GO!

Conneaut Lake Park Dock Diving Meeting
Sometimes reaching a speed of just over 30 miles an hour while running for a distance of 35- 40 feet, the flying dock diving dogs  can provide a new sport for local pet owners and their canine companions. 

The  Conneaut Lake Bark Park Dock Diving Dogs Club will hold its first meeting of 2012 at Perkins Restaurant, Meadville, at 2:00 pm on Sunday, April 22nd, in the back room.   The dock diving instructor is Marty Schlossnagel from Grove City. The meeting will cover practice schedules, classes,  dock diving activities at the Bark Park, and plans for special events. 

Any dog and any breed could be a potential dock diving dog.    The most important item in dock diving is to find the toy or item your dog is absolutely crazy about and is willing to bring back to you.  Dogs are also permitted to wear a safety vest if necessary when dock diving.  

Come to the meeting and find out about this great, exciting canine activity. Additional information is online  or email Marty at  or call Sue at 814-382-2478.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Martin Speaks, brains behind bark park

                Dogs of Crawford County, the time has come….For the past four years I have been helping my human publish articles and newsletters about Conneaut Lake Bark Park.  Even though she has plastered my picture all over the place, she has never once recognized me for my hard work or acknowledged me as the real brains in this organization. Enough is enough!
                It’s time for me to write my own articles for all of my canine buddies out there – dog-to-dog. From now on, I’m going to dedicate my talents to letting all of my canine friends know everything about Conneaut Lake Bark Park; events, training classes, long term plans, the works.  And if I need any help with my own articles, I’m going to ask some of my best Park buddies like Ruby, Spyce, and Bella to help spread the news. I mean, why should our humans have the only say about what goes on at the Bark Park anyway?
                Hopefully you will find a way to read my articles or at least have your human tell you about them. Maybe you can take a sneak peak while you are fetching the newspaper for your human, or try distracting them by turning on the TV to get your paws on the paper. Then all you need to do is leave it open to my page and put it on the sofa or the bed - somewhere where they can’t miss it. In no time you’ll be on your way to the bark park and a whole lot of fun! Besides  inviting you to come, mix it up  and play with everyone at the park, I’ll be sure to pass along important information to you every time they  have an event ,  a training class, etc. that you just won’t want to miss.  I check for messages when my human is working, so if you have questions, just email me at
                The Fourth Anniversary  Bark Park season kicks off with Hot Diggity, Dog Diggity Day on May 19th.  This is shaping up to be a fun event for us and our humans, so start dropping hints everywhere you can. They’re having hot dogs – my favorite! And don’t forget to look for more information in the next edition of my very own article,   ”Martin Speaks”